Susie Homemaker, Reg, Mother...it's all the same to Reg

I never realized how eccentric I was until my new roommates moved in.

I guess I should back up a bit and explain; I live with Salamski, my ex-step brother, in a duplex. He was denied unemployment and still can’t find a job, so I pay his rent.

Rather, grandma secretly puts money in my bank account so I may pay his rent.

Well, he finally wised-up to this save-Salamski’s-man-card scheme of grandma's. Thus, he decided to rent out his half of the duplex and live on the couch instead of being bailed out by two women.

Luckily our new roommates happen to be mutual friends of ours, so we get along well. This may be in part due to the “talkin’ to” Salamski gave them on their first night, when I, predictably, was in my room writing a treatise on the political development of Canada (all this “evolution not revolution” nonsense pushed my 1000 word minimum to 10 pages.)

It went something like this:

Salamski: “…and this is Reg’s coffee cup. Do not touch her coffee cup…all the dishes should be done promptly and put away, except for the coffee cup, which stays on the counter to the left of the coffee pot… Make sure you unplug everything and keep lights off and stuff, Reg’s kinda freaks out about that…she’s probably asleep right now, she always goes to bed at 9:00 but stays up ‘till 10 doing whatever…and you have to be really really quiet. She does not like noise. Do not make noise after 9.”

So I’m the crazy bitch who keeps everything clean and goes to bed early. They’ve taken to calling me Susie Homemaker. Or Mother.

Your butterfly,
Reg