I'm not sure if this post turned out the way it was supposed to... To be honest, all I did was put six different thought processes of mine into words. Here's what it was supposed to be:
12. Ramble. Just talk aimlessly and passionately about a subject. Be sure to set it aside and read it a day or two later to make sure it's relevant before you post it.
Well, I can tell you right now that this post isn't relevant to anything. As I said before, this is just a collection of some of my thoughts.
I hope you don't mind this little window into my mind...
Yes, I know that sounded lame.
Deal with it.
***
Those are the scars you never forget.
The ones in your mind.
Every time you hurt yourself stays with you forever.
You remember where you were and why you did it.
Something could remind you of it and for a moment you’re back there. You become that person once more.
It’s only for a moment, though. Shorter than a second. Shorter than the human mind can comprehend.
After that, you’re back in the present. It’s not like these scars constantly haunt you; they are, however, constantly there. You’ll always remember them.
***
Words are just suggestions of how we really feel.
Feelings cannot possibly be conveyed succesfully.
So why do we feel the need to try?
That is the dream that is never fulfilled.
I believe we all have that dream, and I believe even more that it is never fulfilled.
***
If I've learned anything tonight, it's that feelings reign supreme. For some odd reason or another, we always follow what our senses tell us to even when our mind tells us to do the opposite. The idea that love conquers all is just a rough draft of the larger idea that feelings conquer all. It doesn't matter how many times I've been told that music is a useless major or that going to a four-year university is a waste of money; that's what I'm going to do. Why? Because that's what I gravitate towards. I can't help being gravitated towards something; feelings reign over reason. This battle is much like a bad action movie; the good guy always wins. Even if the movie is constructed in a way to make you question the good guy's success, you always know he'll win in the end. Sometimes I wonder why we even try to battle our feelings if we already know they'll end up winning.
***
The only thing that can be understood is that nothing can be truly understood.
We can get close- so close you could almost brush it with your fingertips- but in the end, we must be patient and wait for understanding to come to us. Some of us believe it will in the next lifetime, others believe we'll never obtain understanding. Both parties, however, agree that it cannot be understood in this lifetime.
To understand this concept, however, is to be a hair closer to understanding.
***
The movie "M*A*S*H" is one of my favorite movies. It's described as following the characters' crazy ways of distracting themselves from the harsh reality surrounding them.
Have you ever wondered if that's what our time here on earth is?
If that were the case, then "M*A*S*H" would be about much more than a mobile army surgical hospital... it would be about life.
***
Sometimes I feel like I'm asking for too much.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't expect to receive any significant consideration.
However, I never asked to be here in the first place...
Is the purpose of my existence to make others realize they have a purpose beyond me?
Here's my only hope: if I don't deserve any significant consideration, I hope more than anything that I can make someone else feel significant consideration. I want to help keep someone from feeling guilty for living.
I suppose that that's what I'm making my personal purpose of existence be.
If I don't create a purpose for myself, who's going to?
***
When I get into moods like this, I really don't know what to do with myself... it's much like when you don't know what to do with your hands.
With that in mind, I'm going to put my metaphorical hands in my pockets by signing off.
Less than three,
~ Summer
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