What I’ve gained from Dad’s girlfriends—Reg talks of words of wisdom from the less-than-wise and hairdryers

I love my father, dearly (with this type of introduction, a “but” is inevitable…)

But

He is a player, a man-whore, and a fish. Worse than all the aforementioned, he knows he embodies all of these and thinks it amusing.

Over the years, his whoring/playing ways have introduced me to many interesting women. Allow me to share a little of what I’ve gained:

Sally, his ex-fiancé from Minnesota- one hair dryer, one large barrel curling iron, a matching set of rolling luggage, three t-shirts, and the understanding that if I speak in a very soft soprano no one can stay angry at me.

On-again, off-again Tanya- one hair dryer,  a garbage bag of various clothing items, one pair hot-pink heeled flip-flops, a coffee travel mug that smells like tequila, and the ability to say what I really think—usually for humorous intent and the dismay of snobbish relatives.

I love Tanya dearly (she’s still around) and I think I will always have some sort of awkward acquaintance/friend/my ex’s daughter relationship.

An infamous quote from Dad: “Tanya fun time. Not long time.” It’s four years later, so his perception of time may be slightly skewed.

Crazy Karen the secretary- One large barrel curling iron, sephora eye shadow, one travel sized hairdryer, one jug southern sweet tea (spiked, clearly) and a tutorial in “How to deal with people who are completely plastered.”

Brandy the 25-year-old stripper- one bottle unsweetened cranberry juice, five individual Trader Joe’s non-fat Greek yogurts, the most caloric cheese-dip recipe in existence, one box emergency contraceptive pills, one pack 5 gum, two round brushes, and the long-sought-for achievement of finally rebelling against my father.

 Actually, I just told him to stop bringing his girlfriends over if he wasn't going to be in a committed relationship. 

Your Butterfly,

Regette