Summer's Fortune Cookie

“’Oh, I don’t know! But he shouldn’t be standing around all by himself.’ ‘Drop it,’ said Rearden.  While thinking dimly that he did not want to hurt their feelings, he could not prevent himself from adding, ‘You don’t know how hard I’ve tried to be left standing all by myself.’” ~ Atlas Shrugged

Well hello there, my little dustpans!

… no?

You know what I’ve noticed? It’s socially acceptable to say “epic fail” to someone else, but to say it to yourself is more than a little depressing.  I find this in itself depressing because there should always be a self-belittling phrase for any situation! Therefore, I’ve concocted one myself…

Here is the first post on my other blog

Before you reaction is "what other blog?" I want to preemptively say, "It's not you, it's me."

I had to. For class.

http://theycallmesusie.wordpress.com/

An oldy but goody from Reg's junk pile

Remember our favorite things lists from Summer and Honey?

I made one too! And I finally found it, at the bottom of my pile of crap to put on my bare apartment walls.

crap?--I call that art

Summer's Musical

"Cats scratch you for no reason, so they should understand if you wipe your nose off on them for no reason." - Michael Hartz

Hello everyone, and welcome to 2o12!

... plus 13 days.

It's a bit awkward to be blogging again for many reasons, one of which being that I still don't have enough of a life to pull me away from my computer...

Another reason is simply that, hey, it's been a while.

As my last post was over a month ago, I'm at a loss as to how I should begin this... So, I'll get through this the way I get through most of life: I'll copy someone else's idea.

Yes, today I'll follow Reg's example and talk about my new year's resolutions (now, officially, I never made any. However, as well as a world-champion idea copier, I'm also a first-class bullshit-er. So here it goes).

1. Cuss less

Now, I know I don't seem like the most blatant cusser in the world, but trust me. I have my moments. In lew of this (if that's even how you spell "lew"), I've constructed a few handy phrases to use in place of cuss words. For example, when I think "f*** my life" I'll instead sing "how could this happen to me?!?!?" from the song of the same title by the forever whiny Simple Plan (who misses whiny boybands? Anyone? ... Anyone besides Justin Bieber?). Similarly, in place of "f*** off" I'll sing (in my best Jack Black impersonation) "STEP OFF!!!"

... Apparently, this resolution involves my life turning into a giant musical.

No complaints.

2. Write More Music

What's the point of having a passion if you don't pursue it? Notice, there aren't any movies about the loser kid who dreams of being a basketball star, gets asked to play on the team, and says "Nahh... I'm not really feeling it." Or evil queens being told by their magic mirrors that they're in fact not the fairest of them all and replying with a "mehh, whatevs. Wanna watch some Gossip Girl?"

3. Get My Poop In Group

Besides being a clean way of saying "get my shit together" (and being my new favorite phrase), this basically describes the theme of this new year (for me, at least. You can leave your poop lying around for all I care). I've spent the last few years of my life being SO INCREDIBLY LAZY, I swear I turned into Snorlax at one point. It wasn't my most attractive look. So, this year, I'd like to clean myself up a bit. Stop treating my room like a junkyard, stop procrastinating for every single assignment, and start focusing a little more on reading and music. If there's anything I learned in 2011, it's that I'm far more capable of a successful life than I give myself credit. Therefore, I'm going to start putting that capability to use.

I suppose I could continue, but I'll stop boring you and move onto something more constructive (like YouTube!).

Thanks for reading! I hope all your resolutions are going splendidly and that your wildest dreams have already come true.

Or, I at least hope you're eating chocolate.

That's almost as nice.

Less than three,

~ Summer

zdrah-stvooy, duh svee-dah-nee-ye--maybe Reg should just give up before it's too late

Well…

                Ahem….

                                It’s, uh, been awhile. Hasn’t it?

I apologize for going so long without a post that this seems awkward. If I had attempted this sooner, I could’ve jumped right in with my usual ever-so-insightful exposition on life (that is sarcasm, dearies) but now it’s been that indeterminate amount of time it takes to get from reasonable hiatus to near-blog death (or at least blog coma.)

Honestly, this post is born of guilt.

My classes started for the semester, and my English class requires me to keep a blog—thus I decided if I had to post somewhere else on the web, it was unfair of me not to post here.

It’s a new year and all, so I might as well share my resolutions:

1.       DGAF as much as possible.

My OCD is getting quite bad at college. I have to actively remind myself that normal people don’t clean the microwave and stove obsessively after every use, and it is perfectly reasonable to leave the dishes in the sink and wash them once a day instead of the moment after every dirtied dish is empty of food.  

This also applies to my boy-crazy ways. It is not necessary to make eyes at every remotely attractive man who passes by on the way to class.  

2.       Save money and don’t tell anyone.

Mostly this is because my roommates always pay rent at the last possible moment and often short me a couple dollars (and by “a couple” I actually mean closer to a hundred.) Their rent is not my problem. So I am running my accounts down as low as possible, opening a secret savings account and telling everyone I’m broke as a joke.

3.       Learn Russian

Not like I learned Spanish in high school.  I need to apply myself every single day to learn a language—being able to say “party tomorrow”, “I want one more beer please” and “my lover is the son of Francisco” does not count as proficiency. (and no tumblr in class)

That’s all. I suppose I could now let you know what has happened lately:

I went back to California and my dad had given away my cat and had an appointment to take my dog to the humane society. His girlfriend had moved in (and no one thought to tell me). My childhood friend’s mother has been having marriage problems and now parties with my dad and his girlfriend, getting so wasted she often can’t drive home and sleeps in my bed. Her son and my childhood crush is over at my Dad’s house more often than I am (he’s now a condescending, mockingly sarcastic douche bag.) His sister posts vast amounts of red solo cup pictures on facebook. My grandma repeats herself more often than she did and I didn’t get to see Summer the entire week before I left.

But I made more money at work in three weeks than I made all semester in North Carolina. Summer and Honey and I had an awesome Denny’s hopping experience and party out in the boondocks. I baked 11 pies, two pans of brownies and three dozen cookies. I saw the beach, the ranch, my favorite little touristy beach town and went shopping in the local college town at night. I met a nice tattoo artist who fixed some of the lines on my bad decision from Charlotte. I visited with three of my closest friends, spent time with five of seven grandparents (some are step, that’s how that number works), took my dog on a couple last jeep rides, and had a conversation with my 2 and a half year old niece.

Finally, my dad cooked pancakes shaped like various animals—and he served them on my Lion King plate.

(I tried to make the good paragraph longer than the bad).

ДО СВИДА́НИЯ!

Reg.

p.s. I don’t even know what the letters are in that, so yah. I’ve got a lot to learn.

Alas...I miss Reg and Summer

Where art thou? I miss the funny posts that could make boring days fun :)  Come back! Come back!