zdrah-stvooy, duh svee-dah-nee-ye--maybe Reg should just give up before it's too late

Well…

                Ahem….

                                It’s, uh, been awhile. Hasn’t it?

I apologize for going so long without a post that this seems awkward. If I had attempted this sooner, I could’ve jumped right in with my usual ever-so-insightful exposition on life (that is sarcasm, dearies) but now it’s been that indeterminate amount of time it takes to get from reasonable hiatus to near-blog death (or at least blog coma.)

Honestly, this post is born of guilt.

My classes started for the semester, and my English class requires me to keep a blog—thus I decided if I had to post somewhere else on the web, it was unfair of me not to post here.

It’s a new year and all, so I might as well share my resolutions:

1.       DGAF as much as possible.

My OCD is getting quite bad at college. I have to actively remind myself that normal people don’t clean the microwave and stove obsessively after every use, and it is perfectly reasonable to leave the dishes in the sink and wash them once a day instead of the moment after every dirtied dish is empty of food.  

This also applies to my boy-crazy ways. It is not necessary to make eyes at every remotely attractive man who passes by on the way to class.  

2.       Save money and don’t tell anyone.

Mostly this is because my roommates always pay rent at the last possible moment and often short me a couple dollars (and by “a couple” I actually mean closer to a hundred.) Their rent is not my problem. So I am running my accounts down as low as possible, opening a secret savings account and telling everyone I’m broke as a joke.

3.       Learn Russian

Not like I learned Spanish in high school.  I need to apply myself every single day to learn a language—being able to say “party tomorrow”, “I want one more beer please” and “my lover is the son of Francisco” does not count as proficiency. (and no tumblr in class)

That’s all. I suppose I could now let you know what has happened lately:

I went back to California and my dad had given away my cat and had an appointment to take my dog to the humane society. His girlfriend had moved in (and no one thought to tell me). My childhood friend’s mother has been having marriage problems and now parties with my dad and his girlfriend, getting so wasted she often can’t drive home and sleeps in my bed. Her son and my childhood crush is over at my Dad’s house more often than I am (he’s now a condescending, mockingly sarcastic douche bag.) His sister posts vast amounts of red solo cup pictures on facebook. My grandma repeats herself more often than she did and I didn’t get to see Summer the entire week before I left.

But I made more money at work in three weeks than I made all semester in North Carolina. Summer and Honey and I had an awesome Denny’s hopping experience and party out in the boondocks. I baked 11 pies, two pans of brownies and three dozen cookies. I saw the beach, the ranch, my favorite little touristy beach town and went shopping in the local college town at night. I met a nice tattoo artist who fixed some of the lines on my bad decision from Charlotte. I visited with three of my closest friends, spent time with five of seven grandparents (some are step, that’s how that number works), took my dog on a couple last jeep rides, and had a conversation with my 2 and a half year old niece.

Finally, my dad cooked pancakes shaped like various animals—and he served them on my Lion King plate.

(I tried to make the good paragraph longer than the bad).

ДО СВИДА́НИЯ!

Reg.

p.s. I don’t even know what the letters are in that, so yah. I’ve got a lot to learn.