The appropriate, mature answer to “Do you have any regrets in life?” or “If you could go back in time and change one thing about your life, what would it be?” is similar to “I have no regrets; I would change nothing because everything I have done has shaped my personality and I have done my best to learn from my mistakes.”
How do I know? The above was the thesis of my college admissions essays (though I paraphrased a bit.)
Is it true? Would I change nothing about my life?
Absolutely not.
Thus I thought, as I have not made a list in a while, I would share my favorite regrets (not the biggest regrets though, because that would be depressing…)
10. The song “Oh Holy Night.”Next time I am faced with the choice of whether or not to sing solos in front of several hundred people, I need to stop and ask myself:
Is this in my range? Have I suddenly become a soprano?
Have I learned all the words?
Am I at all ill? Have I eaten in the last several hours?
If the answers are yes, yes, and no, please proceed.
9. That dumb boy.
When he doesn’t talk to me for several weeks after I ask him out (which probably was a bad move anyway), this does not mean he needs to be confronted. This means I should not speak to him anymore.
8. Letting my best friend cut my hair with safety scissors
Being in kindergarten does not excuse me from not knowing that safety scissors can cut through hair and even if my best friend says it won’t, it will.
7. Disliking children (when I myself was a child)
Not that my parents cared what I thought, but perhaps if I had wanted a little sibling, I would not be so strange today.
My friend Leticia, several weeks ago: “Aren’t most serial killers only children?”
See what I mean?
6. That dumb boy.
I should not let my best friend date my brother when she is clearly still pining for that one boy we both just can’t seem to get over.
5. That one time at the zoo, when I misread the “Serval” sign.
Saying “Look, there’s the Cervix!” loudly and in the presence of small children is burned into my memory forever, and I’d very much like it to go away now.
4. That bottle of wine before I went caroling at the church.
Using it to sauté calamari and scallops is not an excuse to drink the remainder of the bottle.
3. Going to the party.
Going to any party. Ever. I am not made for parties. Standing in the corner awkward and alone immediately erases all coolness gained from attending the party.
2. Thanksgiving.
I should not have participated in the mashed-potato eating contest every year.
1. That other dumb boy.
In the eloquent words of my roommate, from long ago:
[2:20:24 PM] salamski: Reg doesnt want to be a crappy housewife. She wants to have a job that is better than her db boyfriend wait that wont be to hard because Reg is way smarter than him. All she wants her db for is ... and super sexy smart babies...I feel bad for him because the only person that puts up with is stupid ass is reg. and now a quote from my new favorite song "This is a relationship that needs to end. Yeah you and i will never be friends. One day we started fuckin' around not knowing, what it was, And we'll never get back together again, because you suck" and thats the end of the first chapter in a 20 chapter book and a 5 book series :)
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