Life lessons from an application--Reg is unemployed

Lately I’ve been applying to as many jobs as possible because I am terrified that I will spend more than I have saved (I’ve been in North Carolina since Saturday evening.)

The applications to larger companies all have a section of questions much like an online personality survey that an 11-year-old girl posted on Quizilla. I suspect these questions to be a psychological evaluation, probably because I’m paranoid (and thus need to be evaluated psychologically.)

The questions range from the appropriate—“How would your previous supervisor rate your performance?”—to the ridiculous.  For example, “Do you like listening to strangers talk about themselves for extended lengths of time?”  And “Do you feel like others have caused the difficulties in your life?”

The first question I find ridiculous because most people don’t want to hear their customer’s life-story in the check-out line. I know there will be one person with a sunny disposition that answers that question, “yes! That’s like, so ME!” but I believe that many people will agree with my answer.  Yet I still lied when asked, “Do you think people are mostly honest?” and “When given the opportunity, will most people steal?”

 The second is too vague—are they saying I caused all the problems in my life? The application also asked if I felt satisfied with my life so far, if my parents were proud of me, and if I had any major regrets. I would much rather go to an interview and have to speak with an actual human than have my personality ascertained by an online quiz.

For me, this is a surprising revelation. I, Reg, would rather talk to a person face-to-face than conduct all of my business through a computer. I’m finding things go more smoothly when I can glare at whoever I need something from.

I’m kidding. I try to be nice and bake cookies when I need something.

I baked you cookies. Now I need answers

Your butterfly,

Reg