Reg's rant on the precautions adults take to stop teens from being idiots-or, Reg is several not-so-nice-words that start with a, d, and such

I feel like a twit/schmarm/rat-bastard* hybrid when I say this, but the need for my oppressed view to be let out into the world overpowers the fear I have of societal judgment--I am morally opposed to assemblies that tell us not to drink, smoke, or do other dangerous teen things.

Before I'm chased down and killed by a mob of angry townspeople with torches and pitchforks, let me explain why.

These assemblies aren't the usual drivers ed/health stats and a warning. The assemblies employ psychological trickery/voodoo magic to bring their messages home. It's a simple process, when dissected. The assembly starts with some lighthearted games and t-shirts thrown about. Introductions are made. Then they show a traumatizing real-life video about dying tragically due to teen-aged stupidity. Then they scare the pants off us with more stats, and a lot of parallel structured hypothetical questions. These questions especially make the listener (or perhaps just me) feel like a twit-schmarm-bastard  because the person doing the questioning is the mother, girlfriend, or sibling of the deceased.

In example- "How would it feel, losing someone that close to you...forever?"
                   "How would it feel, carrying that coffin, knowing that the person you talked to just days ago was in it?"

This is the part I am most opposed to. After being forced into a suitably somber mood, these questions are asked, taking that transitory mood to the brink of depression for some of my peers. People cry at these assemblies. People have to go to the counselors after these assemblies. I know their intent is stop us from being idiots but I think there could be a less traumatizing way to do it.

For me, these assemblies make me frustratingly upset and not because of my debatably-intelligent opinions I form afterward about the morality of making students who are made to come to the assembly after having their mind effed by an AP Stats exam; I am ill at ease during the assemblies because those questions aren't hypothetical to everyone. Those questions aren't hypothetical to that boy that always stops people from saying "your mom jokes", or the choir-girl that missed three weeks of school last year. They aren't hypothetical to me.

No one should be forced to ask themselves those questions, even those that are not hyper-sensitive or that have undergone some tragedy. If there is no alternative to scare-tactics, then at least it should be used in moderation. Life as a highschooler is traumatizing enough.

Your butterfly,
Regette "au contraire" Henesey

p.s. All definitions from urbandictionary.com

*Twit-n.

The kind of person that makes a retarded chimp look smart. They often can be found leaving definitions for their own name or the names of their friends on urbandictionary.com

Schmarm-n.

1. to be creepy and suave at the same time, Typically an older male preying upon a younger victim leaving them with a dirty feeling. Perhaps how a drunken James Bond would act, and look

2.Overly emotional, sentimental and gushy so as to induce major eyerolling action in those of us with a modicum of good sense and self control.

Schmarmy is the one adjective that can truly be applied to any Lifetime Original Movie.

 

Rat-Bastard-n.

1.a person who intentionally or unintentionally causes issues which annoy you.

 

2.A bastard who is characterized by devious and base intentions.