Today I have spent a copious amount of time pondering the mysteries of the universe. I have decided to devote a blog post to the most complex, enigmatic of them (or rather, the top ten):
(The jump break is only due to the length of the post. No serious content. I would just like you to see all of Summer's and Sayuri's brilliance)
10) Why do junior high girls wear Abercrombie to track practice?
That shirt was probably 30 bucks, the sweats are 48.
My outfit: P.E. shorts, 7 dollars. White tee, 5 dollars. My legendary tie-dye skills I used on that plain white tee, priceless.
9) Why does that one dude in the chorus try to sing like Luis Armstrong?
If only I could tell chorus-dude he sounds like he swallowed a toad without his rabid fan girls chasing me down and thrusting a golden stake through where my heart should be.
8) Why did someone decide it was Californian to use the word “like” inappropriately and with great frequency?
The “likes” is a disease plaguing many of my peer, myself included. It seems, someday “like” became a substitute for the past tense verb “said” and it became acceptable to insert “like“ anywhere in a sentence. For example “Summer was like ‘OMG coffee’ I was like ‘coffee! Like, no frickin’ way, I like love coffee too!!” Even when I am not joking, the “likes” just slip out.
7) Why PDA? Why?
Do couples enjoy making others awkward? Are they so in love they can’t keep their hands off each other in public? I hope you enjoy how inadequate you’ve made me feel couple. Just continue to spread the inadequacy. I’m sure singletons the world over are thanking you.
6) Why can’t that boy take a hint?
I would presume after the 46th text she did not reply to, that he would’ve gotten the hint. Alas, no. There will be a 47th text. And a 48th.
I would conclude that after some serious hand-holding and hug-action, that he’d understand. Alas, no. Her flying barn must not have been painted fluorescent…Perhaps if it had a turdy point buck in it he’d finally notice it.
I would hope that after his repeated use of the word “ladies” and his consequent rejected hugs, he would realize. Alas, it was not so.
5) Why is “ladies” now such a creepy word?
Back in the day, a “lady” was what all young women aspired to be. Now, it is what middle aged men say to women waiting at the bus stop outside Denny’s.
5 ½) The same applies to “naughty”. Santa’s list has a whole new meaning now-a-days. I know that my children will never get pictures with a mall Santa. Ever.
4) Who thought: Let me take some cooked milk that’s curdled and let it mold in a cave, then eat it with some rotted-grape-juice?
Cave-chick me would have definitely not ingested anything that smelled as disgusting as blue cheese and wine. But after watching Cave-Summer dance merrily around the cave-fire and Cave-Sayuri shake her head disapprovingly, I might have tried some smelly-grape-juice. This still, however, leaves the great mystery that is Roquefort cheese.
3) Why does the Soprano-Phenomenon occur?
After reaching a certain level of proficiency, all choral students become b****es and d***s. Even amongst themselves, they are blatantly rude, and use musical terminology in everyday situations. “Ke$ha is soooo a half-step flat after the ritardando.”
Unfortunately, the alternative to the Soprano-Phenomenon is the Alto-DGAF-Phenomenon.
2) Why did the state of California invent the word “Gliff”?
Urban dictionary that shiz.
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=gliff
1)Why do I ponder these ridiculous things?If you can answer any of these mysteries, please, tell me. Make the madness stop.
Your butterfly,
Regette "au contraire" Henesey
No comments:
Post a Comment