The wonders and horrors of polite speak-Regette tells it like it is

Having a job in customer relations and a voice equivalent to a donkey with strep throat is a less than ideal situation. My warbling caw inevitably inspired a "you should save your voice, dear." Which of course, is merely polite-speak for "you should save my ears, dear, from the sound of mucus gurgling in your throat as you speak." Though I knew the person's intent, I didn't feel offended.

Polite-speak can be lumped in that category with white lies and general praise. This is the talk used to tell a girlfriend her new haircut is swell, Auntie her cooking spectacular, or reassure a melodramatic rat bastard of undying acquaintanceship.

After my recent experience with Regette's cure-all and Sense and Sensibility (which involved not a small amount of me cursing the television with "Spit it out you lousy, worthless, d-bag-bastard-twit faced-gliffing idiot! Tell her the truth Hugh!") I came to the conclusion that life would be better without polite-speak.

An innumerable amount of time has been wasted with polite speak. Without it, flying barns would be irrelevant. Then it would be socially acceptable to say, "Hey you! You with the face! I want you" and the scary social shunning and consequent running of the hottie would be inconsequential because it would happen every fricken' day. Everyone else would think, "meh, w/e", his self-esteem would be boosted, and the pursuers time would not have been wasted in 6 years of dolling up and trying to sit next to him in English class.

Sarcastic, biting humor, (the malignant, hurting kind, not the bitterness I love so dearly) would also die, for it would not need to be used to hide hostile thoughts and feelings. In example, I give you an example from my life, in which I am a not-so-nice-person. I give you a recounting of the reply to the rat-bastard after he asked why I disliked him so:

What was written: "I don't dislike you. You are nice to have as an acquaintance. (My brother's ex) is my best friend. Her happiness is my happiness. I'm sorry you ever thought otherwise."
-Regette

What I meant: "I hate you, you rat-bastard. You are a wussy man-child, starving for self-acceptance anywhere you can get it. Don't bring (my brother's ex) into this. I never was your friend, but I will try to remain hers when you break up."
-Regette


If I could have only said what I meant, he would not persist in trying to ask me bizarre questions and thus the world would be a much, much, better (and less angsty) place. Actually, if everyone could say what they meant, my ex-best friend would have never dated my brother and I would be blissfully ignorant of the world of trying to comfort people after they've been broken up on voice mail.

Your butterfly,
Regette